Megan's Blog

Pumpkin Carving!

2007-10-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! This is my first time to ever carve a pumpkin, so I thought I would show you pictures of this fun fall day I had with some of my roomies. The first picture is of me and Christie picking out the "gunk" and pumpkin seeds from our pumpkins.

We separated the seeds and then the second picture is of Melody, my other roomie, putting them on cookie sheets and covering them with oil and salt to make a really good pumpkin seeds snack. Ever had it? Well, this was all a first for me, believe it or not. So, the last picture is the final product of all our carving labors. Christie's is the one on the far left, mine is in the middle, and Melody's is on the right. Christie and I sort of cheated and printed off some ideas off the internet, but it's not like we didn't work at it. If you can't really tell, mine's supposed to be three blind mice. Melody was the more creative one who decided on her own design. Anyways, it was a lot of fun to just hang out on a Saturday afternoon with two of my roomates and do fall things. :)

Aside from this fun stuff, life is going well for me. I've been learning to take work one day at a time. I'm trying not to look too far into the future and worry about what I'll be doing years from now, and I'm also trying not to even look a few days ahead to something else. I find that when I do that, I don't put all my effort into the people and the relationships I feel God wants me to strive toward. It's hard not to get jaded when for the past 4 months I've seen more than a thousand patients come through our facility, several of them more than once.

However, things really hit home this past week when I found out that one of our patients, James B died suddenly, perhaps of overdose, they are not sure. It was just very shocking to hear this, when just a month ago, I had some really great and in-depth conversations with him. He was a really neat guy, but he was just caught by this addiction. He desired so much to come to the Lord and understand what a life following Him looked like, but this addiction kept tripping him up. I wonder whether he is with the Lord right now or not. God has reminded me through that news just how precious each conversation is and each person's situation. I find myself having to check where my motive is, and, if it's just to get through another day, I need to redirect myself. Sure, I don't know whether I'll be in this for years or just a little while longer, but while I'm at Gateway, I'm going to give it my all until the Lord leads me somewhere else. So, that's where I'm at for now. Thanks for listening. :)

I love the weekends!!

2007-10-14T20:30:00.000-07:00

Hey there! This is pictures from the wedding I went to yesterday. I was Shayna's date. Her date could not show up last minute, and instead of wasting a meal that had already been ordered, I became her date. It was probably the most expensive and elaborate wedding I've ever been to and ever will be, and it was so fun. This is a pic of me and Shayna as well as the absolutely incredible reception hall. Just to give you an idea, the reception started at 4:30 and we didn't leave until 9:30...and it wasn't close to being over. There was a 4 course meal of appetizers, salad, main meal and dessert... the main meal which we chose before going. The kids that came had their own room with caretakers, caricature artists and animal balloon artists, and their own meal. We had a dance and live music. It was so fun.

This picture is the bride and groom cutting the cake as well as the bride's two sons. The bride was married to a man until three years ago he suddenly died from cancer. It's been such a hard road for her, but her new husband Hank is such a great support and father to the kids. It was a pretty emotional service too. I was sure I wouldn't cry until Rene walked down the isle crying and started us all. They've been through a lot, but God is so good to bring them Hank and give the boys a father figure again. It was pretty neat to see the joy at the wedding. The boys stood up on stage as Hank and Rene exchanged their vows and rings...at one point, one of the boys interrupted the service to tell his mom he needed to go to the restroom...it was funny. Anyways, that was the wedding yesterday..thought you might enjoy these pictures. :)

2007-10-09T07:12:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, for those of you who have been waiting in anticipation to see some pictures of my house, here they are. These are two pics from my living room and dining room. I don't have any of the roomies and me yet, but soon. :) Well, I'm writing again...and for those of you who do not know, I'll catch you up on a little more of what I've been doing since the spring. I felt God's leading for me to stay in Beaver Falls, and He also provided a job for me in the Drug and Alcohol field. Throughout the spring, God had been working in me to gain a passion for people coming from these perspectives. I have now been four months into my job and learned so much that I can't even begin to convey all of it right now. I am an evening counselor at Gateway Rehabilitation Center in Aliquippa Pennsylvania. My job is hard to explain: every day is so very different, but the main part of my job is to lead therapy groups and have one-on-one counseling with patients. (The patients come in for 2-3 week rehab, sleeping and eating there while receiving treatment all day.) I still live in Beaver Falls with four wonderful roomates. I knew them all from college. Two of them graduated with me, and the other one graduated 2 years ago. Since I work the evening shift, I am noticing what an incredible blessing it is that I live in a college town. I am able to be with people, have an accountability, and an outlet when I desperately need it.

Anyways, that's the gist of what's going on with the surface level. When people ask me if I like my job, my usual response is "most days." It's true, I do love my job most days, but let me tell ya, the bad days can be such that I have a hard time remembering the good days. In fact, I never knew just how hard it would be to have responsibility over people. In short, the struggle I have is that I wonder if I have a good balance of showing justice to these people as well as showing mercy. That's what God is so good at, and every day I pray for the wisdom to have that same balance (Micah 6:8 and Matthew 10:16 are my constant prayers). I know I will never be perfect, but I've never noticed my imperfection of that balance so blatantly as I do now.

Sometimes, like last night, something happens that is really hard to handle with a patient or sometimes even staff. I come back wondering and praying that I handled it the right way. However, it's like the feeling I have after taking a test at school, someone asks me how I did, and I respond by saying that I honestly could have failed or I could have aced it. I have no idea. That's exactly how I feel on these days at work. Sometimes I wonder if I'm completely off the mark of following how God wants me to balance justice and mercy with these patients, or if I am right on track. Are the struggles that I am having part of the consequences from my mistakes or are they just because a follower of Christ must go through struggles in order to learn and grow?

When I have these days, and it's not all the time, don't worry...but when I have them, I remember that in Uganda I hated it many times while I was there...going through culture shock and adjusting and re-adjusting, etc. When I came back from Uganda, people asked me the cliche question, "how was Uganda?" I responded honestly that it was really hard, but I don't regret it. I don't at all. I learned a lot, grew a lot, questioned alot, was challenged a lot. I wonder, is this job the same thing for me right now? When I say I don't love my job every day, people begin to question on my behalf whether I should be there, but maybe it's a culture adjustment thing as well, and God is molding me through it all. Perhaps I need to go through the good and the really difficult in order to really grow and learn.

Anyways, thank you all for listening to my rambling for now. I hope you enjoy my pictures and thoughts about life. :)

My House in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania

2007-02-14T10:07:00.000-08:00

Hello everybody! I'm back on the blog, but I am not back in Uganda. I just wanted to write a blog because I love writing and wanted some family and friends to see some pictures of what I'm doing here. This first picture is our red beans and rice and cornbread dinner last night...basically a southern meal. I made my housemates all dress up southern in order to get dinner last night. It was really fun! I absolutely love these housemates. For those of you who don't know, I'm living in a place called "City House" and the goal of it is to live in community with our neighborhood as well as in community with the people from our house. There are 4 girls and 3 guys, and some are students, some are graduates from my school, Geneva. We buy from the small businesses down here, have our neighbors over for meals, and do some community service to understand the community. One of the main reasons we do this is because our college is on a hill, separated from the broken community that surrounds us. We wanted to be part of integrating them and understanding true community the way God wants us to. I can't even begin to describe how good it has been for me to be here. God is really showing me so much more than I expected, opening my eyes to what Christain community means and what building community in this broken neighborhood looks like. It's the closest I've been to the community I came to know and love in Uganda, and for the first time since Uganda, I am reconsidering if God actually wants me to be working internationally. God is opening my eyes to how I can be used even in this place around me in America, and it excites me so much and scares me all at the same time.

This is a picture of me and my 0housemates in the depth of wintery snow trying to do a challenge on the course near our campus. We're trying to switch places on a log that is covered in ice, and let me tell you, it was pretty stinkin difficult. (I'm the second from the right.) We had a day last week that we went out to this challenge course to do some "house-building" activities, and it was fun in working through challenges together and just having fun as well. I have so much more to share about the house and my thoughts, but I'll save that for another blog. I love you all, family and friends. I hope you enjoy these pictures! :)

BYE!!

2006-04-18T23:54:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody and good-bye. This will be my last blog, and I want to conclude everything from my stay here, but I don’t even know where to begin. I’m excited and yet frustrated at the same time. I am excited because I have experienced so many things this semester and had my eyes opened to so many things that I may never have if I hadn’t come here, and I want to see how God will use that. I am frustrated for those same things though. I don’t want this to just be another “good experience” that quickly fades into a dream. I also know that I can never be the same after what I have seen and learned here, and that frustrates me because I don’t know where to begin sometimes. My pride does not want me to return from this place without having “figured things out.” In that sense, I’m scared to death. I’m scared of another culture shock and people not understanding me. Many things that I have realized here, no one else has. Many things that I have seen here, no one else has. I’m afraid I will be so well intentioned, but never have the strength or vigor to act upon it. I want to tell myself that it’s all about constantly being in a state of utter dependence on the Lord. But, the thing is, I don’t even know what that means. I see my dependence upon the Lord to have been so intrinsically motivated, and I realize now that it’s much harder than it seems. I have so much that I want to change, and I know, I absolutely know, I cannot do it on my own.

I was reading today in 2 Corinthians 7, and I feel like it described a lot of what I have been feeling and addressing in my life these last few months. It talks about two different kinds of sorrows…the sorrow of the world versus godly sorrow…guilt versus conviction. Man, I’ve definitely had to separate the two or at least try to in my head while I deal with the issues I’ve seen here. In verse 11 it refers to the outcomes of godly sorrow, saying, “what diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! I feel like this so perfectly describes my frustration and what has come of it in so many ways. The sorrow really stinks but has cleared me of a lot of myself. It has produced a desire and indignation for certain issues I never considered before. It has given me fear, but a necessary fear of the Lord and how I am responding to His call. It has given me a zeal for things that never would have crossed my mind before….things like the way I handle my money, the way I interact in my relationships, the way I seek justice and mercy for those around me, and the way I see globally. I truly pray the Lord continues that working in my life to produce those things within me. If it means frustration and sorrow frequently, I’d rather it be that than to be happily naïve. Better for me to have godly sorrow and conviction than to live my life pretending I am fine. Even if it hurts…

ME AND IVAN

2006-04-18T23:35:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, this is Ivan, and he is such a doll, dont ya think? I went to my Mukono homestay family on Sunday to celebrate easter, and we played for a while. I had to say my good-bye's to all of them for the last time, and that was pretty much not so fun.

2006-04-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

This is just another pic from the Safari I went on this weekend. These are Uganda Cobs... they are on the national emblem of Uganda so they are well known, and we saw many of them. Isn't God's creation just so amazing???!! The flat plains, the bushes, the mountains and the cobs...I can't get enough of it!

2006-04-16T08:04:00.000-07:00

THIS IS MEEE and the ELEPHANT!!!! woo wee. Guess what? this is like just 20 feet from our campsite...yeah, he's just enjoying himself and eating all the trees in the park, haha. Anyways, I went to Queen Elizabeth National Park this weekend and it was amazing. I don't even know where to begin. We went on a safari, but this is after all that was "over" but it just doesn't end. There really is no boundaries for the animals so they go wherever they please...it was incredible!!!! We saw hippos, crocodiles, elephants, cobs, bush bucks, tons of birds...no lions...but it was still awesome to see the animals playing and fighting and being themselves...not locked up in some cage where they are uncomfortable, ya know? Anyways, I'm really glad this elephant was nice cause one tour guide told us that an elephant killed a man just 2 days before we got there....AAAH, whoops. :)

2 Crazies!

2006-04-11T23:54:00.000-07:00

Hey, this is me and Nikki. Don't ya just LOVE this pic?? hahaa. This was at our farewell dinner and we got all dressed up, but of course, we can't possibly look nice in a photo...it's not nearly as fun. Actually, this is me at my best. :)

My American Christianity

2006-04-11T23:29:00.000-07:00

I'm going to share with you the way my eyes have been opened while I have been here, and these are the some ways I am more American than I am Christian:

The Individualistic American mentality carries over to how I view my relationship with God. It is too much my own “personal” thing. I never even realized until now how it could be more community involved.

I read Bible verses and apply them to my own life situation…even commandments such as justice and mercy. I naturally have not seen the global perspective as I read.

I automatically want to defend “grace” over “works” for salvation because it makes me more comfortable to do that. I don’t want to realize the intensity of God’s commands to me. I subconsciously view my “works” as an added bonus to God.

I used to feel so comfortable tithing and even giving a little “extra” of my money for the Lord, when really my life must be constant knowledge that NOTHING is my own. In the same way, I view generosity compared to my upper middle class Americans instead of just finding out what it is as a follower of Christ.

Just as in each step of the “American Dream” is a step toward a greater life, I have also viewed each thing I do for the Lord as a step to being a “better” Christian. In that same sense, I compare myself with others in competition, often wanting to be the best instead of working in a community of believers God intended.

If I am “happy” God is obviously blessing me. I wouldn’t necessarily say that out loud, but my thoughts reflect it. I do not know the meaning of blessing- Suffering may be a crucial way God will “bless” me, and happiness merely leads to destruction.

I have the mentality of not being willing for someone to help or serve me…(once again part of my individualistic American mindset)…yet that is part of God’s community I have denied.

I confuse being “intentional” with becoming “stressed for the Lord.” There is a fine line between the two, and often, I think it is a virtue to be stressed for Him.

I see "success versus failure" as an important issue in what I do or in what others do for God instead of seeing faithfulness as most important.

I use God’s gifts for me in my own way for God. I figure out how it can best be used for “His glory” instead of truly seeking Him to see how he wants to use that. Once again, I think I know best.

I see repentance only as personal but not on a grander scale. The sinful social or political structures around me are “not my concern” and are not part of what I need to repent of….Yet repentance means "to change," and who ever said that I was exempt from working to change those sinful structures I dwell amongst?

If I am living life without persecution, I should probably question if I am actually following Christ the way I should....yet I contentedly live my life and do not question that. I assume that God is blessing me or I am doing things right. I never consider I may be wrong.

These are just a few of the ways I have found within myself and that God has convicted me about in the ways I have been desensitized. I have been re-reading a book I read for a Don Opitz sociology class last semester called Forgetting Ourselves on Purpose, and I want to quote some of the things the author says. It kind of coincides with this and what I have been learning as a student here:

“The students did seem to desire something deeper, something more idealistic, something different from what they were told constituted success American style. But awakening an exiled shadow government of compassion and idealism is risky business. These young men and women were only too aware of how alienating and constricting were the images of success and failure that the ascendant culture had bequeathed to them. But this knowledge was for many of them accompanied by a sense that they could not afford to look too closely, too systematically, at their own sense of alienation….we often seem to prefer the alienation that accrues from accommodating ourselves to a false consciousness of rigid social roles to the risk of inhabiting a world devoid of meaning and structure” (Mahan 30, 44).

Since my eyes have been opened to so much of these things, I realize all the more just how much I do not know. I see I have to fully rely on the Lord even for the things I think I know, because my mind may be so hindered and deceived by the culture ingrained into me.

Our Friends in Kampala

2006-04-11T22:55:00.000-07:00

This is a picture from yesterday at my service project. We go to visit the street boys of Kampala every week, and these are a few of the boys we have really become close to. From left to right: Innocent, Amanda, "chinese"Daniel, Arnold, Me, Ivan, Emily, and Nathan. It has really been such an amazing experience to go and visit with them. We usually just chill and laugh with them and disciple them in the Lord cause some of them recently became Christians. But really, they just love to just have friends to talk to. They find work by buying some fruits from the larger market and selling them from another market, getting about 2000 shillings a day, equal to about $1. I have seen such joy and faith and genuinness from their lives. Daniel asked me to pray for them for two things: The rainy season is hindering the trucks from coming so they can buy fruit to sell. Second, they used to know so well how to cheat and steal, but since they became Christians, they are convicted about that, and have changed. However, it is hard because they are used to making more in a day. If you could pray about those issues, I know they would be so so appreciative.

2006-04-05T00:27:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about some things I’ve learned here in Uganda…It’s all coming to a close so soon….too soon actually. I only have 2 more weeks left here in Uganda, then our group leaves for Rwanda to finish off the program. I feel like I have adjusted to a lot of things…(like how to interact with my friends, how classes are run so differently here, and how nothing is on time…)yet I have also learned to be myself. In certain ways it’s good to adjust, but not when it comes to being who you are. I have learned to enjoy who I am in another culture. I think that’s part of the process though. I tried to accommodate too much of myself until I realized that being who I am is how I can learn best in another culture here in Africa.

I have also learned to enjoy people and strangers and random conversations…it happens so often here because people do not have a time schedule. You walk in town and you don’t see people like in America walking with a mission on their minds and no time to talk. No, you see people laughing and conversing. You see boda boda (motorcycle) drivers lined up in the same place every day, waiting to ride someone, but enjoying each other in the meantime. You see that everyone knows each other, cause that’s where they buy their food. In a typical day, I usually talk to at least a few strangers, and God teaches me every time through what they are willing to share. The other day I got to know the security guard, some people in the computer lab, some random professor on the road, and my cab driver. Each of them have such unique stories to tell and I love learning from them and being able to enjoy their company. Although it’s been hard at times to get used to not having a schedule, I also find such a joy in life in not knowing what will happen next. You may be going to do some work and suddenly run into someone, learn about their life, and have a chance to bless and encourage them. I can see how easy it is to miss out on life and the small joys or opportunities God places in our paths when we have our mind so focused on what we will do next. Well, that is some of the things that I have learned....I will write more later and try to bring this time to a close in my blogs and in my mind as I prepare to go home. Re-entry shock is coming soon. Mwa hahahaha. uh-oh

2006-04-05T00:14:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
I know it's belated, but here's a message for the both of you. If I forgot anyone else's birthday, please forgive me. This is for you guys, and I hope you had a wonderful birthday!!!!

2006-04-04T23:48:00.000-07:00

This is my friend Happy. This pic is from a party the other night in one of the dorms on campus. It was actually a lot of fun...we had chocolate..a rare occurrence in Uganda, and we also had a crazy dance-a-thon to outdated hip-hop music....lots of fun. Happy works on campus actually. He is helping with the construction on the dorm I am living in right now. And, he is really such a silly character. you can't really tell from this pic, but I wish you could know just how he makes us all laugh. :)

my hut

2006-03-29T02:53:00.000-08:00

hey, this is the hut I stayed in on my homestay in Soroti...it was actually pretty nice inside too. The grass they use is pretty decent...it kept most of the rain out of it so that was nice. My family was decently well off so no mud huts for us...haha.

HOMESTAY

2006-03-29T01:02:00.000-08:00

This is me and my host family. My papa, me, Catherine (who is pregnant) and my tata. It was so completely different from my other family, but still so great. I spent 5 days there, slept in a grass thatched hut, shelled and planted ground nuts for hours on end, rubbed dried corn off the cob, bathed under a lightning storm, and carried a 20 liter jerry can on my head back from the bore hole. This was obviously a rural homestay where their livelihood comes from what they plant…mostly ground nuts, cassava, millet, sorghum, corn and potatoes…80% of Ugandan’s are subsistent farmers so it gave me a little better idea what most people live like here. At times it was boring, I’ll admit…shelling ground nuts only goes so far in the realm of fun, ya know? … but I was also fortunate to have a tata (grandmother) who was willing to teach me sooo much from all she had learned and been through and seen. I can never get that anywhere else. I’ve also just realized there is so much I will never understand because I have not grown up doing agriculture all my life. The one on my left, Catherine, cooks for her husband and the grandparents, and the workers in the field, and anyone else that comes to visit. She is 8 months pregnant and she bends over all day in a smoky room with a pot and food….all day….there were a couple days that she had nothing to eat and she’s used to that cause she has no time. I spent a lot of my time with her in that hut and it gets old pretty fast. Yet, she seems content with her place in life…although she tells me she gets pretty lonely which is totally understandable. It seems so sad her place in life and what she does, but I also realize I have such different perspective as an American and might even see it as worse than it is, ya know? These Ugandan’s grow up in these roles of culture just as we have roles, yet I’m still trying to separate the cultural norms from the cultural sins. Catherine told me she cannot wait to be older (like tata)...I was so shocked by this comment, but she said that since elders are so respected here (definitely more than in America), she looks forward to being respected like that someday.(also, the bowing is either towards men or older women like my tata) I couldn't really tell from her statement whether she felt disrespected in her role as housewife now or if she merely looked forward to that kind of special respect one day. Either way, it was hard for me not to get frustrated for her and protest against how she is not treated with as much respect as I assume she should have even though she is young...yet she dutifully fulfills her role with no complaints and with a merry heart...truly, i saw an evident picture of the Proverbs 31 woman, and I don't think I will ever look at that passage of scripture the same. Still, seeing cultural norms as opposed to cultural sins has been hard enough for me to realize from my own culture let alone this one, so I don't really know how to analyze it all yet.

IDP CAMP

2006-03-28T22:41:00.000-08:00

This is an IDP camp...you have to look really close cause it's in the distance. you can see how smushed together each hut is. There is barely any room for the people living there. Although we only went here for one day, it was a very significant learning experience. IDP means internally displaced persons, and the camps are supposedly to keep the people safe…safe from the LRA (Lord’s Resistance Army who invaded this district in 2004) and from the Karamajong cattle rustlers who share borders with this district (they have been raiding since 1950). Both these groups brought fear to these northern areas forcing them into camps. In the crowded camps with thousands of people, 10 people may live in one small hut together, there is no sanitation, no place for planting, starvation and diseases are rampant, yet if they had left during certain times, they would not be safe at all. Last year, many began moving back to the villages in order to start growing crops and starting life over again since the raids had become more scarce. We went to these areas of the village to ask questions and learn from these people. I can’t even begin to explain to you how much they have gone through, being beaten by the rebels, having their children taken (some were returned, some not), living in awful camp conditions, sneaking to the village for food in fear of their lives. Hearing and seeing these experiences myself was shocking, yet this is the way most Northern Ugandan’s live…in fear. We were taken in by a group called “Peace Promoters” who are Ugandans working to bring peace between this district and the Karamajong or LRA. They seek to help these people with in the camps and with those restarting their lives in the villages. But really, seeing all this so up-close and personal was pretty scary…I don’t have the answer, I don’t know why they go through so much heartache, and I hate being so helpless. I also felt so ridiculous just going in as a “learner.” Sometimes I feel like that’s just a disguise so that we do not think about the urge to give and help them. When else will I ever be so close to the actual heartache and need in order to give in a way that would make the most difference? Now, I will go back to the states and have to go through organizations that I’m not reeeeally sure where the money goes to. Man, it just amazes me how my thinking can be so skewed. I am even here in Uganda in the midst of heartache that I can help….I can give 50 cents to one family so they can buy some seeds to plant and help their family…yet that didn’t even cross my mind cause I had so trained myself to be a “learner.” Wow

2006-03-17T00:05:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, I'm a dork and changed my memory card, so i can't show you a pic of volleyball this weekend, but when I get the next chance, I'll put it up. So, Last weekend, I went to play in a tournament with the school team. I just wanted to point out a few interesting observations...We'll be leaving at 8am sharp means we'll be leaving at 11...a whole weekend tournament means sitting around all day and finally playing a game at night. When they tell you, "tons of universities will be there" it means we'll be the only team there. Therefore, winning a trophy means you play a sympathy match from a high school. The term "volleyball court" means a big grassy field. The "right net height" means I could probably hop over it. Having line judges means one at all four corners (of a highly miscalculated court length). Keeping score means some guy stands on the side making tally marks. A good pregame warm up apparently includes matoke, rice and posho that loves to just sit in your stomach. The "labero" is someone who can go in whenever, wherever and for whomever she wants. Staying hydrated amidst the scorching sun is not an option...haha, I hope you enjoyed my observations. It really wasn't bad and the team was a lot of fun.

Alright, I am heading out for the next week to a town called Soroti...it's north of here about 5 hours. I won't be able to email or blog for the next 10 days either, just to let ya know. I'll be staying with a family in a more rural area than last time...i really am excited about htis one but I have no idea what to expect. If you could, just pray for my contentment with whatever comes my way, that I would just learn and enjoy a new family life, and that my heart would be open to whatever God is showing me. Thank you all so much for your support and your comments...i love hearing from everyone....and emily, I miss you tons and I'm sooo glad we got to talk on the phone last night. you are AMAZING and I love you so much! I love you all. Have a great week!

GET SOME GRUB

2006-03-09T23:11:00.000-08:00

Hey, guess what?? it's RICE AND BEANS...woot woot. and posho..that's the white clump you see in the middle of it all. Posho is made out of corn flour. It's actually pretty tasteless, but with the soup from the beans, I think it's actually pretty amazing. THis is also one of my friends Robert, or Jakech as another name. I thought it was a pretty good shot as he's diggin in! So, now you know what our daily meals consist of....the variations are that sometime we have potatoes and sometimes they give us a banana to go with it. I wonder if today is a banana day?? hmm, pretty exciting stuff. Oh, or it might even be a pinnaple day!! oh the joy of it all, the endless possibilities. :) Actually, you're so hungry by meal times, it's just so good to ya really.

PRAY

2006-03-09T23:02:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, I just wanted to send out a reminder to pray for Lisa, one of my Ugandan friends. She is from the North and has been through so much heartache. She came to me again the other day and told me that her Uncle died just last weekend. In the past three weeks she has lost 2 cousins and two uncles. Please pray for her cause she tells me she thinks she is losing everyone and doesn't understand why this is happening to her. Whenever I tell her that my parents and people back home are praying for her also, she is sooo uplifted in spirits. Prayers gives her so much hope..just prayer for her peace and prayer for her family's safety. Thank you guys so much for being supportive!!!

My Rooster

2006-03-09T22:46:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone. Yup, this is me and my roosters. Gotta love it. :) This is the outfit my dad made for me last week. Actually, he's a tailor, but he had another lady do it for me. He wouldn't let me pick out the pattern (as you can tell) because he wanted to and he wanted it to be a suprise. Haha, it was, but I'm very thankful for it, cause it will forever remind me of him. So, I hope you can enjoy the pattern as well. :)

Quite an African Adventure

2006-03-06T03:12:00.000-08:00

YEah, so the picture only begins to tell of my adventures this weekend...so, I went to stay on the Ssese Islands with a group of about 11 muzungus, and it was not what we expected. We went out on saturday for a "hike"..and we didnt' know really what we were getting ourselves into, haha. So, we started out crossing the island and beginning at another point along the shore. We figured we would just find our way along the shore and make it back to our campsite...two things wrong with that...first of all, the island is too big to think that's possible...second of all, "walking along the shore" is a very ambiguous term. So, we saw a "shortcut" along the way across a part of the peninsula and began our adventure at that time. We first had to endure the freaky flies that sound exactly like a train coming from a distance and we really had to just shut our eyes and our mouths while we parade through their territory...which by the way was EVERYWHERE...then, we ran into some guys chopping wood, and asked them where the shore was, cause remember, we were merely trying to "cross the peninsula" and we couldn't find the stinkin shore...they just pointed somewhere and who knows if they even understood us.. :) But, we kept following a "path" that wasn't really a path anymore and through the woods we walked till suddenly we started feeling biting all over us...yeah, we ran into a pile of ants with FANGS...yeah, they stuck to ya...we started bleeding from their crazy bites...after we got 10 feet away from that screaming and ripping off our clothes to find them, we stumble upon and HUGE cliff, probably about 30 feet drop pretty much straight down....so...it was either go back to the ants or fall down a cliff...we debated a while and decided on the cliff...realize that this debate was interrupted many times with screams of horror as another ant was felt digging into our legs or necks....so, we ended up rappelling down the cliff with a pretty sturdy tree root...i think that was the best part actually. I slipped once but the vine was strong, :) A few of us were down and we could SEE THE SHORE...freedom, right?? yeah, right...that's where this picture comes in...we saw the shore, but not until we started heading for it did we see this aweful array of spiders. It was like a wall of them in front, to the side and all around us. Yeah, we sat crouched down, trying to figure out ways to get through it. We eventually threw some rocks to see if the webs extended to the ground...cause it's hard to see the outline of it, and one wrong move, we touch it, and suddenly, they'd be all over us...I don't even want to think what that would have been like. hmmm. we trusted the rock throwing idea though. It didn't move the webs if we threw it close to the ground...so, one by one (there were 7 of us) we ran through...basically ran through crouched down and screaming. It was so funny now that we look back on it, and we feel like calling ourselves Ssese survivors...after that it was just a matter of "following the shore" back, which means we had to climb up rocks and wade through water...the shore is not predictable. Yeah, but we all got pretty close after those episodes, and it was our first real african adventure...I wish I could show you the video's I took of everything. I got some great footage. :)

Thanks for all the comments from last time, and I agree that works are not part of salvation, but I do think we rely too heavily on grace so many times. We almost view that as a way out of things, and I am noticing that more and more often in myself. I also wanted to clarify what I meant about America giving the least. I believe it is that they give the least PERCENTAGE...not amount. But, you can correct me if I am wrong in that as well. I've also learned a lot about NGO's and how they are so corrupt, and other organizations that give merely half of what is given, so it's hard to decide what to give to. I have learned a lot about microfinance though, and that is a great way to give. It's kind of like a loan organization. For instance, an African can go there and ask for a loan to get a sewing machine..then from that she can start to make a living. She will eventually pay them back with a small interest...this keeps the dignity of the person and also helps them earn a living. Therefore, it's not just giving temporarily, but this is long terms since the person now has a way to earn money. I'm not sure of all the details on this one either, but I'm still learning. Anyways, thanks for the comments. I am absolutely being challenged here but also loving it so much. I feel so much more at home here, and I want to make the most out of my learning and my options and the friends I have become close with. Please pray for me that I will accept more challenges yet I will be at peace with how God is continuing to mold and shape me each day. Thanks so much!

2006-03-02T02:51:00.000-08:00

Hello everybody! It's been a while, but we've had no power here. It comes and goes depending on who knows what. I thought when the rain came it would be less of a problem, but it has come and no difference..haha. Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks to all the comments from last time. :) I loved to hear from everyone...Amber, it's SO great to hear from you. Pam, it's always wonderful to hear your thoughts and by the way, i finally got your letter today. It's been over a month!
Ok, here it is. My thoughts are all contradicting eachother lately. I absolutely love it here and I am so much more comfortable than I ever imagined. However, I am constantly being challenged and convicted about so many things. I love it but I hate it. It goes so well with all that I was learning last semester about knowing. It is not in the actual concrete knowledge that we necessarily know, but it is in the struggle that knowing comes in. The struggle is so much of what knowing is about. It IS knowing. My classes and the experiences that relate so well in it are creating a distinct crossroads for me. I have knowledge about issues here and my responsibility is much greater because I know. Part of me just wants to forget it all and pretend I was never convicted....but moreso, I desire so much to BE convicted and change. I am actually more afraid of not changing when I get back. We discuss so much of how the Bible views the poor, how Jesus views them, how we view justice and mercy and giving. I gues you could say all of those Christian views are really very "americanized." I am not very global in my perspective of Christianity and how I read the Bible. One of our teachers/program leaders asks shows us verses about Jesus and the poor and the one about lazarus and the rich man and about the one in Isaiah 58...all these things we point to and read, and she asks us if meeting the needs of the poor and giving is actually a part of salvation...I don't know how much I agree yet, but it's something good to mull over I guess. Just looking at the Bible from another viewpoint, I see how much I missed, and I wonder how much I am totally neglecting in my spiritual walk. I wrongly think so much is mine...my relationships, my money, my time...it's NOT. It all belongs to God, and I need to get out of my limited perspective. as a side note, of all the developed countries, america gives the least and they have the most. Is is easier to give of myself when I have not been so westernized by my thinking. The more we have, the harder it is to give...is that true? These things are not my own, and I know I need to change my perspective to really and truly understand that. Just realizing all this I have missed or just pushed aside, I know that I need to continually be on my knees in prayer about where God wants me and how He wants to use me and my time and my money and my relationships to others. So much of what I do is focused on me.

WEll, that's just a tid bit of my thoughts. It's hard to say it all clearly, but it's just some of the stuff going on in my head, and I realize that i need to process it all, and that I need to take it one day at a time. I'm not really overwhelmed, but I am glad to have this challenging me. I know I am so sinful and need to dig deep into my motivations and my ingrained thinking to change so much. I hope what I have said makes sense to some of you...I don't ahve time to change it cause my internet time is almost up..haha. On a happier note real quick, I played volleyball on tuesday with a bunch of ugandans from all sorts of universities and some of my friends from UCU and it was so much fun...it was my 3rd time to play with them, and I wish I had more free time to go every day. I'll have to take a pic sometime to show you the court. It's outside so I pray for cool days for sure. haha. ANyways, we just scrimmaged and man oh man, How i have missed playing...I've been gone from it far too long... :) well, this weekend, i won't be around. I'm going to Ssese islands and just chillin! I am pumped about that. It'll be a group of 8 of us and hopefully i'll have some pics to show after this weekend. ANd i might take a pic of the sun again, but I won't put it up, haha. I hope you all are doing well. I miss everyone. Thanks so so much for all your prayers. THey bless me so much. I hope to hear from you if you read this. I want to know your thoughts compared to my jumbled up ones! Until next time!!!

2006-02-21T20:47:00.000-08:00

hey this is at my homestay and my "brothers" are building this as a room for themselves. They made the bricks and mixed the cement...which I helped them to do, haha, I mean "helped" but whatever. This was built in 3 days, and they're probably done by now. I think it's amazing how fast they work here. They make the bricks, then burn them for a 2 day process to make them hard...then they keep them out in the sun a while, then they build and cover it with cement to keep it longer. Anyways, that's it.

2006-02-21T20:41:00.000-08:00

THis is a pic of one of my good friends here, Charlotte and I. Haha, here's a funny story. When I first met her, I thought her name was "Shallot" from the way she pronounced it. I would call her that for a while. But, now I know. :) She's a lot of fun. She's from the south west near Rwanda. I was on my bed for this pic and she had just gotten down to leave so I took it from a weird angle.

2006-02-21T20:36:00.000-08:00

this is a pic of a crowd of people around a poster of Besigye. He is the only other candidate that is basically competition with the president now, Museveni. They reeeeeeaally go crazy over here about elections, screamin and hollerin and riding trucks into town. The elections are on thursday and it's hopefully going to be peaceful, so please pray about that.

Interesting Info

2006-02-21T20:14:00.000-08:00

here are some little tid bits about uganda that I would love you to know about.

In Lugandan, there is no word for "hello" just a word for "hello how are you" therefore, when I say hello to someone, I often get the response, "fine, how are you"....you learn to just go with the flow, haha

You can't eat while walking...it's considered rude

Staring is NOT rude at all...why, you can even stare till you pass the person, then look back in order to stare just a little bit more.

My hair does not look brushed to them when it's curly

picking your nose in front of a person even when you're in the middle of a conversation with them apparantly is NOT rude

My new worries....will my sandals actually last? will my skirt fall apart thread by thread? and...since there is no dryer, my khaki pants keep getting bigger and bigger, so...will my pants eventually fall off?? HA

my zits to them either look like mosquito bites or a rash...and so do freckles.

"mmm" means yes...so does a slight lift of the eyebrow

Every other muzungu is my friend apparantly....

if you're walking the same direction as someone, be prepared to hear their life story

"I'm freeeezing" takes on a different connotation...a slight breeze sends the ugandans a great shiver. I don't think they'd survive in the snow.

I obviously type extremely fast here.

"well-be back" means "welcome back" apparantly.

$ - this sign is used all the time to mean & because they don't have dollars here...duh

guys holding hands, girls holding hands, guys and girls holding hands....it all just means friendship here...go figure.

It's weird to see someone running or working out...that's pretty much unheard of here. Therefore, if you want to do those things, you must rise before the sun...I've pretty much resigned myself to waking up at 6 every day...so fun

On the same note, I never take a shower now without having first sweat a lot. It's absolutely freezing, therefore I try to make it bearable.

I am now obsessed with wrinkles because I have to iron everything anyways and now I'm so used to it, i dont' know how I will ever live with a wrinkle again, haha. ;)

You learn to read from candle light here cause electricity is a commodity that goes out every other night.

Any ring on any finger means you're married or engaged.

Okay, so that's all for now. I hope you got a kick out of some of t

2006-02-16T02:12:00.000-08:00

hey people!! this is me on my bunk by my "letter wall" and if you've sent me a letter, it's probably on here. :) so, here's my thanks to those of you faithful writers!! And it's also a plead for more cause it can NEVER be too full, haha...anyways, the next blog it pretty deep cause I'm learning a lot, but I just wanted to put a fun one just to make it a little light-hearted. I guess this is a little disclaimer to the next one cause I keep getting emails and comments saying that it'll be okay, and i love the encouragement really..i just don't want you to think it's all so hard. see, when I get to writing, i start to think of all the deep pressing issues on my heart and sometimes forget all the fun and exciting things. Anyways, and i love all the comments recently posted. haha. and all the back and forth bickering about my clothes...yeah, that's my family for you. a bunch a crazies i tell ya. anyways, so yesterday i went to visit my "family" and really had such a great time. I got basically a heroes welcome and all sorts of luxuries on my return home. I got cassava, bread, tea and a samosa...that's such a treat here when the norm is rice and beans. So, then i learned to mix cement with my brother, Sam as well. I wasn't very good, but he got a kick out of watching me I think. haha. At least it's enterainment for them, even if it's not the entertainment I hoped to provide. I met a bunch of the kids in my mom's primary school as well. they were so eager to try out their english on me too. they asked me "howah yu?" and when i asked them, they say "finey"...yeah, it's so cute to hear them. Ok, but that's all for this one. Hope all are doing well. Thanks for the encouraging and funny comments...and pam's resentful letter. I think i resent it as well. I won't get it for a few more months now and by then it will be so outdated...but hey, I'm happy to get it. :)

Humility..yeah

2006-02-16T01:31:00.000-08:00

Wow, this has been an interesting week. I have so much to tell, and so little internet time to tell it. I didn’t write yesterday because for the first time since I’ve been here, I got my hands on a guitar!! Woo hoo! The funny thing is, I dreamt about it the night before…but it was good, cause a bunch of us girls just got together and worshiped and sang some songs…a good soul refresher, that’s for sure. Anyways, I have a lot to tell cause I’ve been learning a lot and been humbled a lot already in the last week. It’s been good, but so hard at times, I’m not gonna lie. I’ll start with last Friday, but I’ll have to make all of this pretty short. I went to a civil rights presentation given by the U.S. embassy in Uganda. Afterwards, 2 ugandan males came up for questions. Suddenly out of nowhere they start asking things like, “why did you Americans do this to them?” Or..”you are probably here just to build yourselves up anyways!” and in the crowd crammed full of Ugandans, everyone let out a scream and spontaneous clapping. There was a little more, but you get the picture. I think I just wanted to crawl under a table and die. I wasn’t necessarily scared, but shocked cause I had never seen such hostility ye since I’ve been heret. It wasn’t actually directed at me, but being one of very few whites in the room, I felt it, that’s for sure. I guess that was just an eye opener to a little more hostile racism that I didn’t expect. So, I’d say Tuesday was another eye opener for me. I ran into one of my Ugandan friends, Lisa, (whose picture is on another blog) and she was not doing well. She told me that her uncle died last week from an ambush by the rebel group in the north, and when her cousin was taking him to be buried, she got shot and died as well. She kept crying and asking me “Why??? Why is God doing this to me?” I just had no words…I prayed with her, and then any other comforts I gave to her just did not seem like enough. She asked me to tell her about some struggles in my life and how God pulled me through, and even when I did that, I felt so absolutely ridiculous for even thinking it was a struggle. (Please do continue to pray for Lisa’s family that they are safe. Things are still so dangerous in the north right now.) After that, I went in for my service project in Kampala. The Lord truly blessed us that day as the boys were genuinely interested in knowing about Jesus. One boy, Fred, just stopped the conversation and said, “can you just tell me all you know about Jesus?” Many pastors will not allow them into their church because they are viewed as dirty or as thieves. They crave that person who is willing to share Jesus with them. They crave any sort of knowledge from the Bible because most do not have their own. Anytime I tell them anything they grab any scrap paper and write down any verse I tell them. I mean, not only am I their only source, but I now feel so much more accountable for what I give to them. I pray the Lord gives me wisdom because I don’t know what they need to know and to hear. Lastly, I’ve been so convicted lately about myself and my Christianity. In my classes, I have been gaining new insight and really, I don’t know what to do with it yet. I heard this statement, and I believe it…it’s “I am much more American than I am Christian.” I am seeing how true that statement is each day as I learn more. My cultural views are quickly breaking. My individualistic view of my relationship with God is not enough anymore. My view of poverty and my part in it is much more real now. It’s a scary place to be in when the things you have leaned on are falling down…or is it just the walls I put up between me and God that are falling down??? Probably, but it’s good to be in the midst of struggle, I know, but it’s not fun, that’s for sure. I am appreciative of what God is teaching me in the long run, but I know it might take a while to reconcile all these feelings warring inside me…the feelings to continue in my comfort zone and not let God change me. It’s so easy just to deny it all, and go my own way…but I’m stuck here in a place where change is inevitable…and ultimately, I thank God for it.

2006-02-10T00:22:00.000-08:00

hey, this was from last night. I went up with two of my roomies to "monkey hill" just on campus. this one is andrea. We wanted to just see the sunset...can you tell I am obsessed with the sun??? I have already put up 3 pictures of it! Anyways, the ugandans here think it's pretty funny that I star gaze as well. They don't see any point in it. So, we went up and just read and watched it dunk behind the hill...and you know what I said? I said, "that looks like a red rubber ball!" (Yeah, that one's for you, mom. I know you'd like that. :)

well, I'll just post a few funny quotes I've been laughing about lately. We were in litererature class yesterday and although we've gotten used to the way they talk here, we still get thrown off guard many times. So, my professor was referring to huckelberry finn and the way he said it sounded something like jibberish...we all just sat there for a second in silence, then we all figured it out and one of the girls, Nikki said, "this is so fun...it's like we're playing mad gab!" Oh, and this girl, Nikki is a very hard name for my professor to pronounce as well. This "I"s have the accent of sounding like an "e" and the "k"s for their language come out like a "ch" so altogether, this makes nikki's name "Neitche" the philosopher who claimed God was dead. So, we definitely joke around with her about that one every time he calls on her. So, that's it for now, and I'll hopefully post some more later. Keep the comments coming or the emails...i love them!!! :)

2006-02-10T00:12:00.000-08:00

hey, just thought I'd put up a picture of me and the girls in the raft. This was before the bujagalli falls where I fell out and felt like I was drowning, haha. Our guide is in the back steering in the yellow shirt. I am the one looking like an idiot. :) I am the further side, second from the front. I saw the camera man pointing his camera and no one else did. Maybe I was distracted too much and that's why I fell out. Well, Pam asked me to tell you where Andrea, Caitlin and heidi are from....Andrea is from converse college in South carolina, and she has a thick accent. Caitlin is from philly and goes to eastern, and Heidi is from Indiana and goes to taylor university. That's about it. Only andrea is in this picture, and I think she is the one in front closest to the pic. By the way, this is a picture of a picture I payed for so it's a little weird looking. I took it so I could put it up.

2006-02-05T10:48:00.000-08:00

This is some of my family the last night I spent with them..thursday night. It was a good night overall, and I took them all out in front of the house to give them their gifts for being so hospitable. if you can tell, 2 of them are wearing Geneva shirts...they just loved it..From the left of the picture is Alice, an aunt, my sister tina, my brother stanley, sister liz, mama, some lady i don't know, and the two boys, enoch and david are in the front of the pic. We had a good last night, but just to tell you honestly, i think I've come to an interesting conclusion. Towards the end, i feel like my sister liz and I got close..at least I feel she saw me as more than a muzungu, but I don't think the rest did, even though they were so hospitable and nice. And, I'm not upset about it all. I asked the Lord for a learning experience and I got it...i learned soooo much by being with them and asking them questions, and doing really awkward things and feeling very frustrated at times...all these provided so much learning from me, and I'm very thankful for that, even if it was hard at times. I do love my family and will probably visit them when I can, but they are a 45 minute walk from campus, so we'll see. Anyways, thanks so much for your prayers cause I know so many were praying for me and that the Lord would teach me through this homestay time, so thank you. Now, these next pictures and postings you have to start at the bottom one with the picture of the river...if you don't start there, it may get confusing. Oh, and one more thing...if you read my blog, please comment on it, even if it's a small comment, cause I LOVE to read what you think or just how you are doing, ok? Thanks for those of you who have commented...your encouragement uplifts my soul!! love you all!!!!

2006-02-05T10:41:00.000-08:00

This is the Nile River at sunset. There are just no words for this when you're there. I'm a big fan of sunsets, sunrises and stars though, haha. We watched them all this weekend. It's so awe inspiring just to soak in all God's beauty through his creation. Our campsite was right beside the river and budjagalli falls where we listened to the rushing water all night and then awoke for the sunrise in the morning. There's just nothing better than that, i don't think. I wish all of you could be there with me and see how spectacular the river is and the beauty all around. A picture just doesn't do much good.

2006-02-05T10:36:00.000-08:00

These are the girls i room with in the dorms on campus. We live among the Ugandans but we have our own muzungu room which is nice to retreat to sometimes. They are all so great. We are making scared faces before we left to raft on the Nile. Some of us had been rafting before, but some, including me, had NO idea what I was getting myself into...(besides the fact that it was very safe...don't worry mom and dad.. :) Anyways, on the right side is Andrea, then
Caitlin, then me, then heidi.

2006-02-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

Just yesterday, I rafted the NILE!!! And let me tell you, I’ve never been white water rafting before, so I had no idea what to expect. It was incredible…absolutely beautiful, freaky, and exhilarating. I loved every minute…oh, except the seconds I felt like I was drowning underwater, but that’s okay. So, we first got in the raft and our guide was named Charlie. He was a Ugandan who was orphaned and couldn’t find school fees, but he found a friend who took him to learn to be a guide. He had to learn for 4 years, and during that time, he was living off the nile as a fisherman…pretty amazing story. Anyways, we got in the raft with him and he taught our group the basic commands we needed to know before we got going. So, the first one we went down was a grade 4 and it was called Budjagalli falls. Yeah, this picture is the first one we went down, and I definitely got smashed by a wave and was under the water for like 10 seconds which feels like an eternity…but it was good cause I got all the scariness out the first one…We did 4 grade 5 falls which is the highest you can do in a raft…so that was pretty amazing. At one point we went over a 12 foot waterfall. It’s amazing to see just water in front of you and actually land right side up when you come out of it all. I don’t even know how it works. I thought for sure we were going down. Another adrenaline rush is when we were going through the class 5 and it’s so loud and Charlie is screaming, “paddle forward!!...HARD!” and we’re all repeating it to each other cause the water is sooo loud. Man, what a rush. Anyways, another time he had us go down a grade 3 with our eyes closed. He promised us it would be okay, and we all trusted him. We sat on the edge and followed his instructions when he told us to paddle, then at the last minute he screamed “open your eyes” and before us was a huge wave we were headed right into…haha…we didn’t fall out, but it was just a big surprise and so much fun. Another time he told us, “on this next one we can flip or we can have someone else guide us” (which we found out later that means we can flip or we can flip….pretty much no option there)..so, they voted me the new guide, and guess what we did…we flipped. I basically yelled two commands and crouched down as a cowardly guide to as we watched the wave overpower us. Woah. So crazy. Anyways, it was all so beautiful and incredible and NATURAL…all throughout the trip we could look over and see natives either washing or swimming or bathing or fishing in the waters…you really got a feel for how the people LIVE off the nile and it’s incredible to be a part of that and see it firsthand.

2006-02-01T04:45:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of me and one of my friends from UCU…uganda christian university…her name is Lisa. She is the one I wrote about in one of my other journals who is from the North where all the conflict is taking place, and her family is in danger every day. She is a real sweetheart, and a lot of fun to be around. If you think about it, please do pray for her and her family!

2006-02-01T04:40:00.000-08:00

THis is a picture of my sister liz and I on Saturday preparing the fish for our meals…which by the way, we had fish ALL weekend. It wasn’t bad, but it’s definitely not my favorite. I think what made it so annoying was having to spit out a bone every bite. But anyways, we de-scaled them as you see us doing in this picture, cut them in three pieces…thank the Lord they did not give me the head with the eye and all…but I did get to eat fish eggs..mmmm…that was interesting. But we fried them in tomatoes, garlic and onions and it wasn’t too bad. It was interesting to learn it all, but unfortunately it’s still not my favorite.:)

2006-02-01T04:34:00.000-08:00

THis is a picture of me digging in the garden on Saturday. We had to get the potatoes out so that we could eat that day. Let me just tell you that it’s pretty hard work, but I think it would have been a lot easier to do without a skirt. I’m so sick of my black skirt, for real. It’s falling apart quickly too….blah. So, anyways, the boy in the picture is Daniel, and he is just a neighborhood kid. He hangs out at our house often, along with all the other kids

2006-02-01T04:32:00.000-08:00

I am a muzungu here. I am not of worth or value aside from my whiteness. If there is any value in me, that’s the only reason…because I am white. That’s how I feel sometimes, or at least how I felt this weekend with my family. I had a dream on Saturday night that one of my African friends was asking me to play my guitar for him. I was so thrilled that someone wanted to hear my talent. As I was wondering why I reacted that way in my dream, everything became much clearer to me. I crave and long for my African family to recognize ME, my passions, my talents, who I am. One friend in my village blatantly told me that he wants to be my friend so that he can get rich in America. The children run to me and hug me, but not because they love me for who I am, but because I am white. My sister, liz, plays with my hair and I desperately pretend that it’s because she is just showing affection, but I know it’s not. She says she is so jealous of my muzungu hair. My other sister, tina, said that if she was white, she might become proud since everyone is yelling for me, “muzungu!, muzungu!” I thought that might be a possibility but there is not way. It’s just too frustrating that I will never be a person to them, just a color. As a muzungu, apparently I am able to build computers and tv’s for them, in America I get water and electricity for free, and employers practically beg me to work for them. On the other hand, as a muzungu, I am just a baby in this culture, practically useless for work. When it comes to working, cleaning, knowing, talking, bowing, you name it, whatever, I don’t know a thing. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know I am here to learn their culture, but I wish they could also see my worth apart from their culture, for who I am, not that I am white, and not what whiteness indicates to them, but who I am. Okay, so I am here to understand them, not to be understood. I am here to learn their ways, not for them to learn mine. I must die to self, death not just of things I am willing to give up, but death of everything, death of the difficult things….my worth, my value, my whole self.It is very painful to be nothing….everything in me fights to be known, understood, but I guess I’ve never really known what death in another culture looks like. God grant me patience to endure, so that after a while, I may see Him work through this to refine and change me for His glory. Amen.

Learning.

2006-01-31T23:46:00.000-08:00

I just don't even know where to begin. I am getting so attached to the African way of relationships and it scares me. Everything is so friendly and relaxed and layed back here. I have especially noticed this with the family i have been staying with. They will spend every night just sitting around on the rocks and dust in their backyard and talk and laugh. On a typical day walking through the village, they run into many people that are either family (cause family stays close by.) or friends. When they run into someone, they usually stop and talk for however long they fee like. I see the riders on boda-boda's, (motorcycles) talking and laughing with the driver...while they are driving...which is just also amazing how they hear eachother over the noise, but just the fact that they want to be friends with the one who drives them places. When you greet someone here, it's not a hard handshake, a quick, hi how are you, and then leave, but you keep holding hands with them for however long you fee like. It's more intimate,and I'm getting so used to that. You hold eye contact. People are not looking one way or another in order to get somewhere or do something. You are the most important thing at that time. Saying hi to you comes before doing or going somewhere else. You can sit down to eat with someone and only say a few words or many or none. They do not care. It is not called awkward silence, but just enjoying eachother's company. I love it, but it frightens me. I am a pretty on time and scheduled person in America, and although I'm gettting used to this new way, I know one day i will go back, and I don't know how this will really have affected me. Will I view relationships differently. Will I begin to see my community differently and spend time talking to people. But, then again, how much of this community is built into the culture? it's not my own doing to change things when I get home. They live around so much of their family. They buy from small stands and get t0 know the people in their neighborhood. They have that structure available to them. I live in a fast paced world where relationships come after you get what you need to get done. I come from saying hello to someone when i pass them on the street, and it's so cold...i never feel enriched from each conversation as i do here. How is God teaching me, and how will I respond. I have only been here a month, but I pray these things get ingrained in me. I pray that the african community is a burden of my heart. that I desire to do what I can in my own life. Until then, I will enjoy this community and gain insight and understanding each day from this very different culture.

2006-01-27T04:01:00.000-08:00

hey guys, this is an interesting picture of me in the traditional african dress. you can't really see it very well. my tata took this picture and he doesn't really know how. anyways, this is me and 2 of my brothers, enoch and david. they are sooo much fun too. Anyways, this is what i went to that aniversary function thing where they give gifts to the lady of honor. I had to talk to the people in the microphone and dance in front of them to give a gift to the lady....all very much out of my comfort zone...but whenever they see a muzungu, they have to be entertained by them. it's just a natural thing i think I'll probably get used to...oh, and this picture is right by my house\. my mom works for a primary school which is just an elementary. our house is right beside it...mother care primary school.

2006-01-24T23:28:00.000-08:00

this is one of my brothers, sam, and he is really a great brother, helping me out and showing me around. He definitely cracks me up the most along with Liz, and he watches this music video every night we have power and it is called African Queen. yeah, it's definitely his favorite. Here in this pic he is actually sitting at the computer watching probably that one.

2006-01-24T23:19:00.000-08:00

this is the sunrise yesterday morning. I see it whenever I walk from my house to the school in the morning...so incredible, and I wish i could show you a picture of the stars at night, but that seems to not work on my camera.

cooking

2006-01-24T23:15:00.000-08:00

this is tina cooking matoke, putting them in the banana leaves and tying them with banana fiber. This is just outside the house.

My homestay!!

2006-01-24T22:49:00.000-08:00

So this weekend was my first time to stay in an African home, and let me tell you, I don’t even know where to begin. I got to the house on Friday and I met the family. They have 6 children and live in a decent home…and by decent I mean that they basically have what they need and not much more. I share a room with liz, 24, and then Stanley is 20, Sam is 18, Tina is 15, and the two boys, David and Enoch are both around 13 I believe. The parents are very kind, but they definitely make it a point to get me used to the culture, which I appreciate. I won’t have time to go into detail of all the stories from just the past few days, but I will explain a little. The first day and a half was basically torture…just sayin it like it was. I am a pretty adaptable person, but culture shock hits ya hard, that’s for sure, and home life is a heck of a lot different than university life. Everyone told me before coming here that the people are sooooo hospitable, so I naturally came expecting it. What I never realized though is that their idea of hospitality differs so much from how I view hospitality. At times it seems very rude, but they are just being as nice as possible.
So when I got there, I learned that it is part of the culture to get on your knees in respect for your elders. That was like one of the first things they told me when I met the father, or Tata. He seemed pretty cold at first so it definitely didn’t make me feel much better. Some of the other things I learned this weekend were how to squat and do all my restroom duties, to put it nicely. It’s difficult at first, but I’m beginning to master it, haha. Sorry, for those of you who didn’t want to know that. I learned how to bathe using a bucket and just splash water on myself. Me and the sisters bathe outside under the stars….once you get used to the weirdness of it all, it’s kinda nice. Haha. Anyways, so I’ve learned to eat with my hands…eat rice, beans, matoke, you name it, I can eat it with my hands. It’s amazing how well your hands work as a spoon. I’d never have guessed. I also got the chance to pee in the same stall with my mom. That was very interesting as well. 2 major cultural differences on that note…peeing with or around people is no big deal…and talking to someone bare chested or even serving dinner in the bra is just fine and dandy….and it’s amazing how you just adapt to it cause ya have to. I learned how to prepare matoke. It’s kind of like bananas and it grows on the banana looking tree, but it’s pretty different. They use their pots, but they have to cover it in banana leaves and then tie is around with the banana fiber in order for it not to burn. Then they put it in the pot and then over the fire a while. Of course I learned how to peel many things and chop firewood with the axe! Yeah, don’t think anyone back home would let me have an axe, but I must say, I did pretty well.
So, I went to a function with my mom on Sunday and dressed up in a huge and smothering African dress, which was very interesting and very hot. Hahha, but I was able to see a ceremony performed and giving presents to the lady of honor for being married for a long time. I had to speak in the microphone and talk to them, cause when they see white skin, a muzungu, they naturally want to hear that weird thing talk. It just entertains them so much. That was another culture shock. My mom came and showed me around as if I was her little prize, and when she would tell me to say things in lugandan, everyone would laugh and laugh. I felt like I was an animal at the zoo for people to either admire or laugh at or whatever. They had me get on my knees to greet the elders and say how are you in lugandan, just so they could watch me and laugh. I know deep down that they are just having fun and not trying to be rude, but I definitely got a taste of what being a minority is like in a very suprising way.
Other than that though, I have truly started becoming close to my family and love that aspect of the culture even though it was hard at first. God has definitely blessed me with a neat family with a good sense of humor that I can talk and laugh with, and who care about showing me the culture even if it is hard to take it all in. I look forward to coming back from school to see them at night, and love to hear them shouting, Nakafu, Nakafu!! Which is my new name, hahaa. Yup, that’s me, and I am now a part of the Impendi clan. Woo hoo. Ok, That will be it for this one, and I will hopefully be putting some pictures up for you to see a little bit of my home stay. Thank you so much for your prayers because I can see how God has been working through this weekend in such awesome ways to teach me so much about myself, about Himself, and just about this culture. I wish I could just type more and more and more, but I will have to save some of the embarrassing or funny stories for another talking to everyone, and I wrote tons in my journal, so I will not forget. Love you all!!!

Just a quick hello

2006-01-18T21:28:00.000-08:00

Hello, I just had another unexpected free time, so i thought i'd write a bit. I went to the orientation for my service project and the head guy, Julius, is so neat. He has such a heart for the kids. His premises are about 15 minutes from here and he houses many children that he has taken off the streets already. anyways, we will be going to the streets of Kampala, about 30 minutes away, where there are children ranging from ages 4-18 just living on the streets. they beg and do anything else they can to be able to live. Many have not been to school and do not speak english either, or at least its very broken english. WE learned that we will be going down, talking with the kids, maybe doing some bible studies or testimonies or talking one on one...really, Julius is open to anything. Or we might just take them out for doughnuts for a treat or something. I'll be going down there every tuesday from lunch till dinner. I hope and pray God would teach me through this and if it is his will that I may be used to help some children down there. one of julius's main goals is to get them off the street, and often that's just by talking with them and helping them decide to return to their village. But, most importantly, he wants us to be able to share about the Lord with them, and I'm so excited about all this.

Lastly, I will say that the program has us going to our home stay's on friday, and we stay there for about 2 weeks. It's hard to get used to campus and the friends i have made in the dorms then suddenly have to leave, but i also know that it will be a great learning experience to go in an actual home and see what home life is like. I will hopefully tell you more as I experience it these next two weeks. so, those 2 things are really my prayer requsts for now....the service project and the home stay.

Oh, and by the way, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to get some mail, yeah, snail mail. It would mean the world to me if i could just get a letter with a couple of sentences, just so i could carry it around with me and read and reread it, haha. :) no, but seriously, i would be soo sooo thankful for something written, even if it isn't much. plus, it takes like 3 weeks for anything to get here, so send it soon!!! love you all!!!!

2006-01-17T04:01:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! it's been a while...when they said we would only get 2 hours a week on internet, they were exaggerating! ha. There is not internet here on campus and the closest cafe is a 30 minute walk. I am thankful though that i am not tempted to use it more often I guess. :)
so, this week has been wonderful. I am growing so much closer to the girls here, and have made some close friends already. The new dorms i am staying in are wonderful as well. Since we are muzungu...white person.....everybody knows where we live, and they all stop by every day and hang out. It's such a relaxed environment, and no one ever seems to have a time schedule. I feel so american when i look at my watch. the only thing they think about time for is class....other than that, they really have no care in the world it seems. Last weekend, we went to lake victoria and swam....it was the perfect temperature too. We swam a while and had a little retreat with some of the guys and girls from college. about 30 muzunguus and 30 ugandans. it was a good time to get to know more people. So, I chose what service project I will be doing. I will be working with an organization called open doors. Every week for about 7 hours one day, tuesdays, i will be working with teenagers on the streets. a guy named julius has had a passion to do this and has been working in the slums with teenagers either feeding them or doing stuff with them or just having worship with them. i really don't know what all we will be doing, but i'll keep this updated when it all starts to happen. i have orientation for it today...oh, and we might be visiting prisons as well.. woah.

ok, so i really have so much to say like how amazing the food is here(...we eat matoke..which grows on campus, sweet potatoes, casava, beans and rice, of course), and how we have fruit trees all over campus, or that a monkey ate out of my hand the other day, or that people always ask if I'm married because i have one silver ring on my hand....(by the way, that's not a come on either...it's just common to ask that cause no one wears rings around here unless they are mariried or engaged. ) or that classes are so much fun, but i have to concentrate so hard to understand the dialiect of the professors..And, i love that people sit anywhere and everywhere for meals and for tea. it does not matter if they are strangers...everyone is so welcoming to us. Today i had tea with a pastor. there are many older people here and they come back to get an education even though they have been pastors for many years. you can learn a lot from so many people.
so i will end with just one funny story. I was sitting outside a few days ago reading and trying to catch up on some homework and my new friend, Aggie saw me and sat down with me. she was also going to read, so we sat down, and suddenly right between us a huge bird drop landed on the table....it was huge, let me tell you, and it came from that weird laughing bird i told you about...anyways, we decided to move to the next picnic table and not even 2 seconds after we moved the bird pooped on Aggie's head!!! she started running around screaming and i eventually got it off of her hair....eww. it was so funny though, and she told me that an old traditional belief is that if a bird poops on your head, it means you will be the next king...haha, guess i'm friends with a kinng!!! I will talk to you all later! God bless, and thank you so much for your prayers. some prayer requests would be that I continue to learn and see through Gods eyes and not my own and be able to see the culture for what it it...that i continue to not be scheduled but relax and take advantage of every moment of learning and teaching that God gives me. love you all!!!

So much still to learn

2006-01-11T22:58:00.000-08:00

So, yesterday i joined the choir here! ha! It was so funny. I still cannot figure out if I am a soprano or an alto. I kept switching between both. Anyways, we practiced one song the entire time...it starts out, "climin' up the mountain children, didn't come here for to stay, if i never more see you again, going to meet you at the judgemen' day." Then it goes on to talk of different biblical characters who had to go through trials, but God delivered them. The choir director told us it was one of the songs the slaves would sing in America to lift their spirits. THey would leave their family and friends and sing this in hopes they would make it through and see eachother another day, or on judgement day. So, it was a lot of learning, since i have never been a part of a choir before. I also sat next to a Ugandan, Lisa, and we just laughed and had a great time together. On our walk back to the dorms, she told me much of her story. She lives in Northern Uganda. For those of you who do not know much about the war there, it is quite intense for many families. When Museveni, the president now, tried to begin a democracy 19 years ago, the group called the Lord's Resistance Army began. THey did not want a democracy. This group was not at first violent, but they soon became that way when Museveni did nothing to keep his promises to them. They began abducting children to be a part of the army and even training them and brainwashing them to be a part of the group. Many times, the children must go to town at night, in order to avoid being abducted, (if you have ever heard of invisible children, this is them)and then go back to their village for school during the day. Anyways, so Lisa was telling me that her family is in hiding camps in the North right now, all her brothers and sisters that are younger than her. She has had a close friend shot and killed just recently as well. She has almost been killed herself. I also talked with a girl 2 days ago, Jennifer, who must be careful when she rides the bus back to her village, because they have been caught in crossfire and people in that bus have been killed. It is so much to take in and realize what these girls have gone through. Yet, it is also amazing to see that they respond with "The Lord knew it was not my time, and so I praise him"...that is what Lisa told me yesterday. So many people have so much joy in the Lord despite what has happened to them. It is incredible and yet saddening to hear all of this from these people.

on a happier note, i am going to practice volleyball today with the Ugandan team, and one of the girls was is training for the Olympics even!! Her name is Julliette, and I am now kind of nervous to play with her. It's pretty amazing though. She trains with 18 other of the top players in the country every week in kampala. So, here goes...I guess I just might get embarrassed today, haha. It will be fun though to play, I'm sure. I thank you all for your prayers once again. God is teaching me so much everyday, and I most of it is through the awesome testimonies of every person I meet. Until next time!!

2006-01-10T11:36:00.000-08:00

this is anoher pic....it is just outside of my room....although, i will be moving tomorrow to the NEW dorms....many students stay there, so i am excited to be in a place to meet many new people. The new dorms house four hundred people...pretty crazy...They were just finished being painted, so we had to stay in the guest house a while....by the way, this is the yard the chickens come to and feed, haha, and the place we hear the rooster crowing right by our window. He sounds so silly sometimes, and forgets to finish his crowing. THey begin their crowing at like 5 in the morninng too...isn't that great. Anyways, that's about it for this pic, and i know it doesn't show a lot...haha. it's been about 80 degrees, and dry season. It's beginning to rain, which is good cause they need the rain badly. WE have to conserve water or we may have to go out and buy drinking water...it's a pretty big issue here. It's amazing that a simple prayer about rain can mean so much here. and a simple answer to prayer is cause for celebration and singing!!

Getting situated

2006-01-10T10:56:00.000-08:00

hello everybody, i am attempting to put pictures on here today, but once again, it may not work. Things have been kind of starting here for classes. see, the thing is, classes are pretty relative for the first week. They are not ever sure of the time tables until they get all the kinks worked out for the first week. so...yesterday we went to class and no professor showed up...but, we knew that would happen....it's just the way it is...weird, huh? and the thing is, the ugandans and us will stay for a full 30 minutes until they leave. It is very important to be at class. WHile the ugandans may be more lax when it comes to being on time anywhere else, they are much more on time when it comes to class and take it more seriously. They iron everything, they wear slips under their skirts...which by the way, if any part of the outline of our legs show through our skirts, one of my ugandan friends, adelyn, likened it to us in the US wearing a see through shirt without anything else under it....it's that bad. So, all that to say, it is very strict on that area and we have to be very careful....well, on the next subject, i have met so many amazing people with so many incredible or dangerous or historical experiences, and it's amazing to take it all in yet in a sense pretty overwhelming. I know the Lord is going to teach me so much through this, but it will take a lot of time to process it as well. By the way, on a funny note, there are 2 main weird birds here....the laughing bird and the beeping bird..or as some of us USP students like to call it, the catch phrase bird.....ask me when i get home...i will do my impression of the laughing bird for you. it's really quite hilarious. Other animals around here are the chickens that feed in our yard every morning and evening at 7, then the monkey's on monkey hill come out at the same time. monkey hill is right on campus, about a 10 minute walk away, and they are very cute black monkeys. Anyways, i must go, and perhaps i will post pictures soon ! By the way, thank you soooooo soooo much for alll of your prayers. I can totally see the Lord teaching me every day and I thought about you all yesterday and how the Lord is answering those prayers. So, Truly from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

IM FINALY HERE!

2006-01-08T01:30:00.000-08:00

hi everyone. I am in Uganda and i think i am finally getting over jet lag..hahah. i am truly so excited to be here. Right now i am in the city of mukono at an internet cafe. On friday we got in and saw our new school for the next four months. It is sooo big...much bigger than i ever thought. about 4000 students attend there..that seems like a lot right? well, they are from all over as well. It has been wonderful meeting so many new people. It's funny though, cause when we're in the local town, mukono, people laugh and laugh and laugh at us, not trying to be rude, but just merely because we are white. it is so weird for them to see a ''muzungu" as they call us. many have never seen muzungu before. i have met many people and they are all very friendly. One of my good friends so far is named happy. he is what his name means, that's for sure. I enjoy talki8ng with him and he is very helpful to us. today at breakfast was 2 pieces of toast. dinner is usually rice and beans, but let me tell you, it is very good. I love it. at least for now i guess. i went to church this morning and it was so nice. it lasted 3 hours, but it was fun to see how they did everything. i am very thankful to be here. thank ytou for all your prayers. I will hopefully write more later and put up pictures, but right now i cant'

i'm testing this

2006-01-08T00:42:00.000-08:00

i already wrote soething but it did not work. i will try again.

I am packing, people!!!

2006-01-02T17:46:00.000-08:00

Yes, this is me packing in our "empty" room that is now cluttered. I don't have much together, but it will have to be all figured out by wednesday. Yikes. I'm outta the country in just 1 more day!!

2000-01-01T21:03:00.000-08:00