Humility..yeah

Wow, this has been an interesting week. I have so much to tell, and so little internet time to tell it. I didn’t write yesterday because for the first time since I’ve been here, I got my hands on a guitar!! Woo hoo! The funny thing is, I dreamt about it the night before…but it was good, cause a bunch of us girls just got together and worshiped and sang some songs…a good soul refresher, that’s for sure. Anyways, I have a lot to tell cause I’ve been learning a lot and been humbled a lot already in the last week. It’s been good, but so hard at times, I’m not gonna lie. I’ll start with last Friday, but I’ll have to make all of this pretty short. I went to a civil rights presentation given by the U.S. embassy in Uganda. Afterwards, 2 ugandan males came up for questions. Suddenly out of nowhere they start asking things like, “why did you Americans do this to them?” Or..”you are probably here just to build yourselves up anyways!” and in the crowd crammed full of Ugandans, everyone let out a scream and spontaneous clapping. There was a little more, but you get the picture. I think I just wanted to crawl under a table and die. I wasn’t necessarily scared, but shocked cause I had never seen such hostility ye since I’ve been heret. It wasn’t actually directed at me, but being one of very few whites in the room, I felt it, that’s for sure. I guess that was just an eye opener to a little more hostile racism that I didn’t expect. So, I’d say Tuesday was another eye opener for me. I ran into one of my Ugandan friends, Lisa, (whose picture is on another blog) and she was not doing well. She told me that her uncle died last week from an ambush by the rebel group in the north, and when her cousin was taking him to be buried, she got shot and died as well. She kept crying and asking me “Why??? Why is God doing this to me?” I just had no words…I prayed with her, and then any other comforts I gave to her just did not seem like enough. She asked me to tell her about some struggles in my life and how God pulled me through, and even when I did that, I felt so absolutely ridiculous for even thinking it was a struggle. (Please do continue to pray for Lisa’s family that they are safe. Things are still so dangerous in the north right now.) After that, I went in for my service project in Kampala. The Lord truly blessed us that day as the boys were genuinely interested in knowing about Jesus. One boy, Fred, just stopped the conversation and said, “can you just tell me all you know about Jesus?” Many pastors will not allow them into their church because they are viewed as dirty or as thieves. They crave that person who is willing to share Jesus with them. They crave any sort of knowledge from the Bible because most do not have their own. Anytime I tell them anything they grab any scrap paper and write down any verse I tell them. I mean, not only am I their only source, but I now feel so much more accountable for what I give to them. I pray the Lord gives me wisdom because I don’t know what they need to know and to hear. Lastly, I’ve been so convicted lately about myself and my Christianity. In my classes, I have been gaining new insight and really, I don’t know what to do with it yet. I heard this statement, and I believe it…it’s “I am much more American than I am Christian.” I am seeing how true that statement is each day as I learn more. My cultural views are quickly breaking. My individualistic view of my relationship with God is not enough anymore. My view of poverty and my part in it is much more real now. It’s a scary place to be in when the things you have leaned on are falling down…or is it just the walls I put up between me and God that are falling down??? Probably, but it’s good to be in the midst of struggle, I know, but it’s not fun, that’s for sure. I am appreciative of what God is teaching me in the long run, but I know it might take a while to reconcile all these feelings warring inside me…the feelings to continue in my comfort zone and not let God change me. It’s so easy just to deny it all, and go my own way…but I’m stuck here in a place where change is inevitable…and ultimately, I thank God for it.