BYE!!

Hello everybody and good-bye. This will be my last blog, and I want to conclude everything from my stay here, but I don’t even know where to begin. I’m excited and yet frustrated at the same time. I am excited because I have experienced so many things this semester and had my eyes opened to so many things that I may never have if I hadn’t come here, and I want to see how God will use that. I am frustrated for those same things though. I don’t want this to just be another “good experience” that quickly fades into a dream. I also know that I can never be the same after what I have seen and learned here, and that frustrates me because I don’t know where to begin sometimes. My pride does not want me to return from this place without having “figured things out.” In that sense, I’m scared to death. I’m scared of another culture shock and people not understanding me. Many things that I have realized here, no one else has. Many things that I have seen here, no one else has. I’m afraid I will be so well intentioned, but never have the strength or vigor to act upon it. I want to tell myself that it’s all about constantly being in a state of utter dependence on the Lord. But, the thing is, I don’t even know what that means. I see my dependence upon the Lord to have been so intrinsically motivated, and I realize now that it’s much harder than it seems. I have so much that I want to change, and I know, I absolutely know, I cannot do it on my own.

I was reading today in 2 Corinthians 7, and I feel like it described a lot of what I have been feeling and addressing in my life these last few months. It talks about two different kinds of sorrows…the sorrow of the world versus godly sorrow…guilt versus conviction. Man, I’ve definitely had to separate the two or at least try to in my head while I deal with the issues I’ve seen here. In verse 11 it refers to the outcomes of godly sorrow, saying, “what diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! I feel like this so perfectly describes my frustration and what has come of it in so many ways. The sorrow really stinks but has cleared me of a lot of myself. It has produced a desire and indignation for certain issues I never considered before. It has given me fear, but a necessary fear of the Lord and how I am responding to His call. It has given me a zeal for things that never would have crossed my mind before….things like the way I handle my money, the way I interact in my relationships, the way I seek justice and mercy for those around me, and the way I see globally. I truly pray the Lord continues that working in my life to produce those things within me. If it means frustration and sorrow frequently, I’d rather it be that than to be happily naïve. Better for me to have godly sorrow and conviction than to live my life pretending I am fine. Even if it hurts…

ME AND IVAN

Hey guys, this is Ivan, and he is such a doll, dont ya think? I went to my Mukono homestay family on Sunday to celebrate easter, and we played for a while. I had to say my good-bye's to all of them for the last time, and that was pretty much not so fun.