Pumpkin Carving!

Hey everyone! This is my first time to ever carve a pumpkin, so I thought I would show you pictures of this fun fall day I had with some of my roomies. The first picture is of me and Christie picking out the "gunk" and pumpkin seeds from our pumpkins.

We separated the seeds and then the second picture is of Melody, my other roomie, putting them on cookie sheets and covering them with oil and salt to make a really good pumpkin seeds snack. Ever had it? Well, this was all a first for me, believe it or not. So, the last picture is the final product of all our carving labors. Christie's is the one on the far left, mine is in the middle, and Melody's is on the right. Christie and I sort of cheated and printed off some ideas off the internet, but it's not like we didn't work at it. If you can't really tell, mine's supposed to be three blind mice. Melody was the more creative one who decided on her own design. Anyways, it was a lot of fun to just hang out on a Saturday afternoon with two of my roomates and do fall things. :)

Aside from this fun stuff, life is going well for me. I've been learning to take work one day at a time. I'm trying not to look too far into the future and worry about what I'll be doing years from now, and I'm also trying not to even look a few days ahead to something else. I find that when I do that, I don't put all my effort into the people and the relationships I feel God wants me to strive toward. It's hard not to get jaded when for the past 4 months I've seen more than a thousand patients come through our facility, several of them more than once.

However, things really hit home this past week when I found out that one of our patients, James B died suddenly, perhaps of overdose, they are not sure. It was just very shocking to hear this, when just a month ago, I had some really great and in-depth conversations with him. He was a really neat guy, but he was just caught by this addiction. He desired so much to come to the Lord and understand what a life following Him looked like, but this addiction kept tripping him up. I wonder whether he is with the Lord right now or not. God has reminded me through that news just how precious each conversation is and each person's situation. I find myself having to check where my motive is, and, if it's just to get through another day, I need to redirect myself. Sure, I don't know whether I'll be in this for years or just a little while longer, but while I'm at Gateway, I'm going to give it my all until the Lord leads me somewhere else. So, that's where I'm at for now. Thanks for listening. :)

I love the weekends!!

Hey there! This is pictures from the wedding I went to yesterday. I was Shayna's date. Her date could not show up last minute, and instead of wasting a meal that had already been ordered, I became her date. It was probably the most expensive and elaborate wedding I've ever been to and ever will be, and it was so fun. This is a pic of me and Shayna as well as the absolutely incredible reception hall. Just to give you an idea, the reception started at 4:30 and we didn't leave until 9:30...and it wasn't close to being over. There was a 4 course meal of appetizers, salad, main meal and dessert... the main meal which we chose before going. The kids that came had their own room with caretakers, caricature artists and animal balloon artists, and their own meal. We had a dance and live music. It was so fun.

This picture is the bride and groom cutting the cake as well as the bride's two sons. The bride was married to a man until three years ago he suddenly died from cancer. It's been such a hard road for her, but her new husband Hank is such a great support and father to the kids. It was a pretty emotional service too. I was sure I wouldn't cry until Rene walked down the isle crying and started us all. They've been through a lot, but God is so good to bring them Hank and give the boys a father figure again. It was pretty neat to see the joy at the wedding. The boys stood up on stage as Hank and Rene exchanged their vows and rings...at one point, one of the boys interrupted the service to tell his mom he needed to go to the restroom...it was funny. Anyways, that was the wedding yesterday..thought you might enjoy these pictures. :)

Hey everyone, for those of you who have been waiting in anticipation to see some pictures of my house, here they are. These are two pics from my living room and dining room. I don't have any of the roomies and me yet, but soon. :) Well, I'm writing again...and for those of you who do not know, I'll catch you up on a little more of what I've been doing since the spring. I felt God's leading for me to stay in Beaver Falls, and He also provided a job for me in the Drug and Alcohol field. Throughout the spring, God had been working in me to gain a passion for people coming from these perspectives. I have now been four months into my job and learned so much that I can't even begin to convey all of it right now. I am an evening counselor at Gateway Rehabilitation Center in Aliquippa Pennsylvania. My job is hard to explain: every day is so very different, but the main part of my job is to lead therapy groups and have one-on-one counseling with patients. (The patients come in for 2-3 week rehab, sleeping and eating there while receiving treatment all day.) I still live in Beaver Falls with four wonderful roomates. I knew them all from college. Two of them graduated with me, and the other one graduated 2 years ago. Since I work the evening shift, I am noticing what an incredible blessing it is that I live in a college town. I am able to be with people, have an accountability, and an outlet when I desperately need it.

Anyways, that's the gist of what's going on with the surface level. When people ask me if I like my job, my usual response is "most days." It's true, I do love my job most days, but let me tell ya, the bad days can be such that I have a hard time remembering the good days. In fact, I never knew just how hard it would be to have responsibility over people. In short, the struggle I have is that I wonder if I have a good balance of showing justice to these people as well as showing mercy. That's what God is so good at, and every day I pray for the wisdom to have that same balance (Micah 6:8 and Matthew 10:16 are my constant prayers). I know I will never be perfect, but I've never noticed my imperfection of that balance so blatantly as I do now.

Sometimes, like last night, something happens that is really hard to handle with a patient or sometimes even staff. I come back wondering and praying that I handled it the right way. However, it's like the feeling I have after taking a test at school, someone asks me how I did, and I respond by saying that I honestly could have failed or I could have aced it. I have no idea. That's exactly how I feel on these days at work. Sometimes I wonder if I'm completely off the mark of following how God wants me to balance justice and mercy with these patients, or if I am right on track. Are the struggles that I am having part of the consequences from my mistakes or are they just because a follower of Christ must go through struggles in order to learn and grow?

When I have these days, and it's not all the time, don't worry...but when I have them, I remember that in Uganda I hated it many times while I was there...going through culture shock and adjusting and re-adjusting, etc. When I came back from Uganda, people asked me the cliche question, "how was Uganda?" I responded honestly that it was really hard, but I don't regret it. I don't at all. I learned a lot, grew a lot, questioned alot, was challenged a lot. I wonder, is this job the same thing for me right now? When I say I don't love my job every day, people begin to question on my behalf whether I should be there, but maybe it's a culture adjustment thing as well, and God is molding me through it all. Perhaps I need to go through the good and the really difficult in order to really grow and learn.

Anyways, thank you all for listening to my rambling for now. I hope you enjoy my pictures and thoughts about life. :)

My House in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania

Hello everybody! I'm back on the blog, but I am not back in Uganda. I just wanted to write a blog because I love writing and wanted some family and friends to see some pictures of what I'm doing here. This first picture is our red beans and rice and cornbread dinner last night...basically a southern meal. I made my housemates all dress up southern in order to get dinner last night. It was really fun! I absolutely love these housemates. For those of you who don't know, I'm living in a place called "City House" and the goal of it is to live in community with our neighborhood as well as in community with the people from our house. There are 4 girls and 3 guys, and some are students, some are graduates from my school, Geneva. We buy from the small businesses down here, have our neighbors over for meals, and do some community service to understand the community. One of the main reasons we do this is because our college is on a hill, separated from the broken community that surrounds us. We wanted to be part of integrating them and understanding true community the way God wants us to. I can't even begin to describe how good it has been for me to be here. God is really showing me so much more than I expected, opening my eyes to what Christain community means and what building community in this broken neighborhood looks like. It's the closest I've been to the community I came to know and love in Uganda, and for the first time since Uganda, I am reconsidering if God actually wants me to be working internationally. God is opening my eyes to how I can be used even in this place around me in America, and it excites me so much and scares me all at the same time.


This is a picture of me and my 0housemates in the depth of wintery snow trying to do a challenge on the course near our campus. We're trying to switch places on a log that is covered in ice, and let me tell you, it was pretty stinkin difficult. (I'm the second from the right.) We had a day last week that we went out to this challenge course to do some "house-building" activities, and it was fun in working through challenges together and just having fun as well. I have so much more to share about the house and my thoughts, but I'll save that for another blog. I love you all, family and friends. I hope you enjoy these pictures! :)

BYE!!

Hello everybody and good-bye. This will be my last blog, and I want to conclude everything from my stay here, but I don’t even know where to begin. I’m excited and yet frustrated at the same time. I am excited because I have experienced so many things this semester and had my eyes opened to so many things that I may never have if I hadn’t come here, and I want to see how God will use that. I am frustrated for those same things though. I don’t want this to just be another “good experience” that quickly fades into a dream. I also know that I can never be the same after what I have seen and learned here, and that frustrates me because I don’t know where to begin sometimes. My pride does not want me to return from this place without having “figured things out.” In that sense, I’m scared to death. I’m scared of another culture shock and people not understanding me. Many things that I have realized here, no one else has. Many things that I have seen here, no one else has. I’m afraid I will be so well intentioned, but never have the strength or vigor to act upon it. I want to tell myself that it’s all about constantly being in a state of utter dependence on the Lord. But, the thing is, I don’t even know what that means. I see my dependence upon the Lord to have been so intrinsically motivated, and I realize now that it’s much harder than it seems. I have so much that I want to change, and I know, I absolutely know, I cannot do it on my own.

I was reading today in 2 Corinthians 7, and I feel like it described a lot of what I have been feeling and addressing in my life these last few months. It talks about two different kinds of sorrows…the sorrow of the world versus godly sorrow…guilt versus conviction. Man, I’ve definitely had to separate the two or at least try to in my head while I deal with the issues I’ve seen here. In verse 11 it refers to the outcomes of godly sorrow, saying, “what diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! I feel like this so perfectly describes my frustration and what has come of it in so many ways. The sorrow really stinks but has cleared me of a lot of myself. It has produced a desire and indignation for certain issues I never considered before. It has given me fear, but a necessary fear of the Lord and how I am responding to His call. It has given me a zeal for things that never would have crossed my mind before….things like the way I handle my money, the way I interact in my relationships, the way I seek justice and mercy for those around me, and the way I see globally. I truly pray the Lord continues that working in my life to produce those things within me. If it means frustration and sorrow frequently, I’d rather it be that than to be happily naïve. Better for me to have godly sorrow and conviction than to live my life pretending I am fine. Even if it hurts…

ME AND IVAN

Hey guys, this is Ivan, and he is such a doll, dont ya think? I went to my Mukono homestay family on Sunday to celebrate easter, and we played for a while. I had to say my good-bye's to all of them for the last time, and that was pretty much not so fun.

This is just another pic from the Safari I went on this weekend. These are Uganda Cobs... they are on the national emblem of Uganda so they are well known, and we saw many of them. Isn't God's creation just so amazing???!! The flat plains, the bushes, the mountains and the cobs...I can't get enough of it!

THIS IS MEEE and the ELEPHANT!!!! woo wee. Guess what? this is like just 20 feet from our campsite...yeah, he's just enjoying himself and eating all the trees in the park, haha. Anyways, I went to Queen Elizabeth National Park this weekend and it was amazing. I don't even know where to begin. We went on a safari, but this is after all that was "over" but it just doesn't end. There really is no boundaries for the animals so they go wherever they please...it was incredible!!!! We saw hippos, crocodiles, elephants, cobs, bush bucks, tons of birds...no lions...but it was still awesome to see the animals playing and fighting and being themselves...not locked up in some cage where they are uncomfortable, ya know? Anyways, I'm really glad this elephant was nice cause one tour guide told us that an elephant killed a man just 2 days before we got there....AAAH, whoops. :)

2 Crazies!

Hey, this is me and Nikki. Don't ya just LOVE this pic?? hahaa. This was at our farewell dinner and we got all dressed up, but of course, we can't possibly look nice in a photo...it's not nearly as fun. Actually, this is me at my best. :)

My American Christianity

I'm going to share with you the way my eyes have been opened while I have been here, and these are the some ways I am more American than I am Christian:

The Individualistic American mentality carries over to how I view my relationship with God. It is too much my own “personal” thing. I never even realized until now how it could be more community involved.

I read Bible verses and apply them to my own life situation…even commandments such as justice and mercy. I naturally have not seen the global perspective as I read.

I automatically want to defend “grace” over “works” for salvation because it makes me more comfortable to do that. I don’t want to realize the intensity of God’s commands to me. I subconsciously view my “works” as an added bonus to God.

I used to feel so comfortable tithing and even giving a little “extra” of my money for the Lord, when really my life must be constant knowledge that NOTHING is my own. In the same way, I view generosity compared to my upper middle class Americans instead of just finding out what it is as a follower of Christ.

Just as in each step of the “American Dream” is a step toward a greater life, I have also viewed each thing I do for the Lord as a step to being a “better” Christian. In that same sense, I compare myself with others in competition, often wanting to be the best instead of working in a community of believers God intended.

If I am “happy” God is obviously blessing me. I wouldn’t necessarily say that out loud, but my thoughts reflect it. I do not know the meaning of blessing- Suffering may be a crucial way God will “bless” me, and happiness merely leads to destruction.

I have the mentality of not being willing for someone to help or serve me…(once again part of my individualistic American mindset)…yet that is part of God’s community I have denied.

I confuse being “intentional” with becoming “stressed for the Lord.” There is a fine line between the two, and often, I think it is a virtue to be stressed for Him.

I see "success versus failure" as an important issue in what I do or in what others do for God instead of seeing faithfulness as most important.

I use God’s gifts for me in my own way for God. I figure out how it can best be used for “His glory” instead of truly seeking Him to see how he wants to use that. Once again, I think I know best.

I see repentance only as personal but not on a grander scale. The sinful social or political structures around me are “not my concern” and are not part of what I need to repent of….Yet repentance means "to change," and who ever said that I was exempt from working to change those sinful structures I dwell amongst?

If I am living life without persecution, I should probably question if I am actually following Christ the way I should....yet I contentedly live my life and do not question that. I assume that God is blessing me or I am doing things right. I never consider I may be wrong.

These are just a few of the ways I have found within myself and that God has convicted me about in the ways I have been desensitized. I have been re-reading a book I read for a Don Opitz sociology class last semester called Forgetting Ourselves on Purpose, and I want to quote some of the things the author says. It kind of coincides with this and what I have been learning as a student here:

“The students did seem to desire something deeper, something more idealistic, something different from what they were told constituted success American style. But awakening an exiled shadow government of compassion and idealism is risky business. These young men and women were only too aware of how alienating and constricting were the images of success and failure that the ascendant culture had bequeathed to them. But this knowledge was for many of them accompanied by a sense that they could not afford to look too closely, too systematically, at their own sense of alienation….we often seem to prefer the alienation that accrues from accommodating ourselves to a false consciousness of rigid social roles to the risk of inhabiting a world devoid of meaning and structure” (Mahan 30, 44).

Since my eyes have been opened to so much of these things, I realize all the more just how much I do not know. I see I have to fully rely on the Lord even for the things I think I know, because my mind may be so hindered and deceived by the culture ingrained into me.

Our Friends in Kampala

This is a picture from yesterday at my service project. We go to visit the street boys of Kampala every week, and these are a few of the boys we have really become close to. From left to right: Innocent, Amanda, "chinese"Daniel, Arnold, Me, Ivan, Emily, and Nathan. It has really been such an amazing experience to go and visit with them. We usually just chill and laugh with them and disciple them in the Lord cause some of them recently became Christians. But really, they just love to just have friends to talk to. They find work by buying some fruits from the larger market and selling them from another market, getting about 2000 shillings a day, equal to about $1. I have seen such joy and faith and genuinness from their lives. Daniel asked me to pray for them for two things: The rainy season is hindering the trucks from coming so they can buy fruit to sell. Second, they used to know so well how to cheat and steal, but since they became Christians, they are convicted about that, and have changed. However, it is hard because they are used to making more in a day. If you could pray about those issues, I know they would be so so appreciative.